Follow the Yellow Brick Road

I love the movie The Wizard of Oz but must admit I still have a hard time watching the part where they pull apart the scarecrow and those dang flying monkeys! But I sit through the rest and just enjoy it. 

I don't know why the fork in the road keeps playing in my mind over and over. I will listen to God and see what He reveals. 

I woke today at 7 and just started reading my blog backwards. Haha! I'm not one to compliment myself for it is God who speaks through me but this is some good stuff. I'm reading it and thinking wow I'm hooked. Can't wait for her to post again and then stop for a second and realize I'm her! God has such a sense of humor. He allows funny reminders when He is pleased and delighted. He wants us to praise Him and to give Him all the glory. 

I'm hooked on Christian music. I take very seriously what I put into my ears that goes to my mind and heart. As well as what I watch. Though I will admit I still watch Greys. Christian music is a drug for me. It takes me away. Allows me to escape my life at times and fills me with me of hope, encouragement and shows me love. My favorite artists are Mandisa, Toby Mac, Brandon Heath, Mark Schultz, Third Day, Ten Avenue North and on and on! I have invested in I tunes. Even as I'm typing this I'm listening to music. It warms my soul! 

I fall asleep to music too. Started doing that when I was living in hell at the time and just needed to forget where I was. God provided every song so I would gain strength, stay focused and continue to move and trust Him! I have to admit I did not worship in a church for over 2 years. God was saddened by that but He understood. I was not ready for questions, that reminder as I sat there alone amongst couples I was alone! I hated that feeling. I dreaded it. But it's what I needed to not only feel but to learn to be alone. Alone in Him. Alone praying as I cried to sleep. Alone to talk to me. To get to know me. How else would I learn how I really love my eggs! I found wow I like her! I like her red hair, green eyes and that spunky funny spirit! Hmmm just the same things Vin loves about me. 

Now being with someone and knowing I will be for the rest of my days I'm so thankful for my time alone. Thankful for the table for one. I can remember looking at other couples and watching them talk, laugh and love on one another. I can remember feeling jealous, angry at times as Satan would remind me I would always and forever be alone. I'd tell him to leave and would pray God show yourself! I would say that at moments I wanted to run and hide in my pain. He always did in the form of a warm feeling that would come over me, a phone call from one of my soul sisters or my BFF my mother or in my music. EVERYTIME He showed up! He never forsaked me! I'm so thankful for being alone now. My quiet times. My still house. My calm spirit. God is now getting me at my best and has opened up my heart and pouring out words for this blog and I pray one day to be a book. 

So as I close this now to go crank my tunes and clean my apartment I just wanted to tell you that enjoy your alone times. No matter where you are in your walk with The Lord be thankful! Just be thankful in all times, in all ways and in the dark! God is light! God is love! God is my dearest and closest friend! Let Him be yours. You will never regret it. Thank you for reading. Stay tuned. 

In Christ, 

Michele 

"When Are We Leaving"?

Our love story is one that is so sweet and so adorable. Two people who have suffered almost identically with emotional issues and self doubt were brought together when all seemed lost and forgotten. It was in one of my darkest hours I surrendered ALL to God. I had prepared to die if that was Gods plan and the ending of my story. They had found a lump in my breast and I had to have a biopsy that day. I can remember hearing the words, I can remember the lump in my throat and the feeling that my life was over. I had had beat cancer- stage 3 uterine cancer in the middle of my divorce from hell. There was no way this was going to be in my favor I thought. BUT even in the middle of it I Thanked God for whatever was about to come. A fork in the road- death or life. Give up or Faith. No matter the result I was going to LOVE God ANYWAY! Not after everything I have endured in the past 2 years was it going to come down to me being angry and bitter. It was in that instant I could understand why people suffering from a terminal illness who are believers are peaceful and in the midst of chemo and radiation they are praising God!

As I laid on the table and thought about what was ahead of me. I kept remembering this man I had met with only 4 words. I was coming off Christian Mingle and he was coming on. I had closed my account and given up and he joined and took a leap of faith. I came across his profile and looked at his face. I liked his smile. I said Hmmmmm OK? So I read onto his profile. He seemed kind, made me laugh and talked excessively about The Outer Banks. I hadn't been anywhere with anyone in such a long time. It sounded like so much fun. So I said OK Lord here we go. One more shot. So I sent him a message and ALL it said was "When Are We Leaving"? Less than one hour I believe I had a reply and that was all it took. The connection was made. I was afraid to meet him with not being sure what the results were going to be. I kept him at a distant and would not allow me to get attached. He asked me out for that Saturday. I finally said yes but prepared to cancel if the news was not good. On that Thursday I got the call that the lump was benign and all looked good. I hung up the phone and wept into my hands. I thanked God over and over. I smiled. I was victorious once again.

The first thought after was Vinny.

I then texted him. We talked and texted back and forth and he said "would it be too forward of me to ask you to dinner tonight and not wait till tomorrow"? So I replied with another 4 words- Sure. I'd love to! When he picked me up I was excited. Not nervous really. I came around the truck parked in my driveway and he smiled at me. Hugged me and smiled again. He walked over and opened the door. Said I looked so nice and he loved my glasses. The book The Story was on the seat. He offered it to me. I thought WOW that's a first. The first date and I am offered a book about the Bible. Check Check. We had a wonderful time at dinner. It was so much fun eating on the water and watching the sun go down. He would not stop smiling at me. I had not seen a man smile like that at me in a very long time. There was something so familiar about him. He leaned in and said you smell so good. Check Check. I melted.

After he drove me home and was a gentleman. Expected nothing. Just kept saying he had such a wonderful time and had a good feeling. I said I know me too! We kissed and we both knew at that very moment we would be together forever. It made no sense rhyme or reason. To this day the feeling has only gotten stronger. Our families and friends see it, believe it and for the first time in my life I am in love. I waited for God's timing. It was not until after I surrendered ALL OF ME on that biopsy table and said I still love you Lord did He then with one gift answered ALL of my hearts desires. Things I had not really prayed out loud for but pondered them in my heart. Within one week I was dating a loving and very adorable Godly man, attending a great church with this man and his loving family, been welcomed into this loving families homes and hearts and was attending and joined a women's bible study that was reading the book Vinny offered me!! Only God can do that!!

Nothing is ever over. Nothing is ever as it seems or feels. I could have given up but I didn't. I could have believed all the things people who were to love me forever were saying to me but I refused. I trusted God and in His perfect time and in His perfect way He blessed me over and over. They keep coming too. I am so excited to have crossed over from darkness into light. I am so thankful for every scar, every battle wound and for every tear I shed. They are a reminder to me just how strong and beautiful I am not only to God but to this man that just adores me and cherishes my heart. I hope this touches you in some way. I hope you know how loved you really are and how today is a wonderful day. Stay tuned.

In Christ,
Michele

It's my job...I love you!

I continue to be amazed by God's blessings pouring into my life...He is so loving and so faithful to His promises. Life is hard. Sometimes it's just not fair. But we have a choice what we will do. I think most circumstances are what I mentioned yesterday- a fork in the road. You can go left or you can go right. It sounds so simple but yet at times it is the most scariest moment of your life. You can feel hopeless and helpless but you can also feel the Holy Spirit and trust that it WILL not only get you where you need to go but it WILL never ever leave you.

I love very easily one told me the other night. She said you just love to love on people. I smiled. I thanked her for the sweet compliment and then I thanked God for this gift. I see the people I love in a way they cannot see themselves. I do it at work, I do it with my children and I do it with the wonderful loving family members I am so blessed with now. It is no secret I love Vinny with a Y! I just love this man like I have loved him my whole life. Like he is the missing piece my soul has been waiting for. Divorce is horrible but death in a marriage is worse. Like I have been saying it all comes back to that fork in the road.

This morning I realized something was wrong in my pay and as I was having a "Michele Meltdown". My sweetheart said "Michele take a deep breath, stop and slow down it will be OK. I am here I am here to help you....It's my job". As I was about to tear up because at that very moment Vinny knew what I needed. Instinct kicked in for him because he loves me so much and unconditionally. I am not used to that. What is that? Where does that come from? Amazing something I do for others is the very thing that I initially want to push away because I had been programmed to think- negative thoughts. God has provided me with a man who loves HIM first and me second. What girl wouldn't want that?

I have been on my own now for so long and am so tired trying to make everything work and not drown. I am human and I do not always feel the Holy Spirit's presence in the midst of many weeks having no food to eat, no money for gas and working so hard to make sure my children have all they need. Now I have a man who has over and over gone out of his way to show me Gods love. He has stepped in and lifted me up when I was so weary I did not know what road to take and he just carried me and I have learned to trust him. He wants only good for me. God wants only good for me. Satan wants to devour me. Devour our relationship. I will not give into the enemy. I love Vinny and I love our love story. He always says you have to add this to our book. :) Thank you God! Stay tuned.

In Christ,
Michele

A Fork in the Road...

I have been sitting here thinking about OK where do I start? Do I have this read like a boring book from beginning to end or do I just write from my heart as I feel led by God and things will fall as they fall? I am going with the second choice. I am so tired of being boring, doing what others expect of me and being so predictable. I love spontaneity as I am growing older. Makes me feel younger. Haha!!

I was thinking to myself Hmmmmm where do I begin? So many people will read this and not know much about me, some will know everything about me and be amazed I can write or am still breathing. I am a strong woman no doubt. I am a humbled woman as well. I do nothing and I mean nothing on my own. It is only with the love and strength of Jesus Christ I am sitting here today in my chair. For that God I give thanks.

I cannot believe Thanksgiving is only weeks away. Where did this year go? Amazing a year ago though I was dreading the holidays as my ex was preparing his second marriage to a woman I was really not sure I was ready to share my last name with. Funny I could not wait to rid it but was definitely not prepared to share it so soon. I am over that one. I was dreading being alone. Nothing is worse than when you are afraid of being alone and you are alone on holidays when others are with their families and loved ones.

Since my divorce in 2011 I have come to realize many things about me. Things I never really knew I knew. Here is my list:

I really do only like scrambled eggs.
I do not really have a love for reading but a great desire for sleeping.
I have been so lonely for a church home and church family.
I only prefer silver jewelry.
I will never wear high heels as I am now dating a man I swear is only 5'5"-though he did state on his dating profile he is 5"6"! :)
I am only an iPhone user.
I love the color green and red.
I am not a cat lover. I am now a dog owner.
I love coffee with whip cream.
I am amazed and shocked by people's ignorance.
I am so excited to live in my new life and have JOY in my heart.
I will never spend another holiday or birthday alone.
I love making lists.
I am addicted to Candy Crush and need help.

So as I could make my list go on and on I will stop there. It is amazing how you can lose your identity when lost in your life. I mean did I not really know those things in my list or did I just lose sight to who and what made Michele tick? I was married for over 22 years and gave birth to 4 wonderful children. We had by what appeared a great life and I seemed happy but in the quiet and still of the nights I was sad, lonely and desperate to get out. I somehow got so busy and consumed taking care of everyone else I lost the sight of me. As my world began to fall apart I can remember being so afraid and anxious because I knew what was ahead of me- a fork in the road. That moment in life when you say to yourself well which way do I go? So as I sat in my car and cried and cried and begged God to show me the way I made the decision to go to the left. It was there at that very moment I let go of the wheel and grabbed Gods hand and took my first step into the wilderness. Stay tuned.

In Christ,
Michele

Introduction....

Let me introduce myself.....

My name is Michele Blake and I have been called by God to create this blog and tell a story. It is not only my story but God's story as well and how they have, are and will be intertwined to become a greater story. For most that know me, be it old friends or even new friends, I want to start by saying Thank you for walking with me through some of the hardest days, months and years of my life. I know that I am loved beyond my dreams and more than I deserve. So from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU.

This blog is dedicated to my one and only Jesus Christ who died for me- a sinner. To my children whom I love with all of my heart. To my  many "soul sisters" who have loved me, held me, wiped my nose and eyes for me and have endlessly prayed for me. To my ever loving and faithful parents- Will and Janet Blake- who if they had not taken me in I would have died. To my new family- The Genco's who have welcomed me into their hearts and homes with open and loving outstretched arms. Finally to the Love of My Life- Vincent Robert Genco. You have brought colors and breath back into my life. You gave me the courage to cross over from the wilderness and step into this new life we are beginning with God and becoming best friends and one day husband and wife. I have never ever known or wanted anything more in my life. I claim this to be mine. Thank you dear precious and gracious Father. Let me be a blessing and light in this man's life! I love you Vinny with all that I am and all I will ever be.

Now you may be wondering the meaning to the title of my blog. As a Christian I have always loved the analogy of the God being the Potter and I being the Clay. Meaning He is creating and constantly changing and transforming me into something new. When I was born I was just a clump of clay. No imperfections and sin yet. Then as I grew the clay started to take shape. So please will you join me in this adventure of memories, heartaches, mistakes, joys, fears, tears and walk along side me on the road ahead. I am so excited and hopeful that this blog will not only be a success but be a valuable tool to many. Stay tuned.

In Christ,
Michele